Politics explained for dumb people ....

f.sciarrillo · Post by **f.sciarrillo** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 2:26 am

Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.

Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.

Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..

Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

A American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.

A German Corporation: You have 2 cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A British Corporation: You have 2 cows. Both are mad.

An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A Russian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your ass. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......

Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'

Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...

Hong Kong Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.

An Arkansas Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

An Indian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You worship them.

An Australian Corporation: You have 2 cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go down the pub to celebrate.

lonewolf · Post by **lonewolf** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 3:24 am

f.sciarrillo wrote:Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.

Should read:

Socialism: You have 2 cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.

f.sciarrillo · Post by **f.sciarrillo** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 1:00 pm

lonewolf wrote:
f.sciarrillo wrote:Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
Should read:

Socialism: You have 2 cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.

I know .. I know .. I was typing faster than I was thinking again.

Hawk · Post by **Hawk** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 2:09 pm

Palinism: You ONLY have two cows and it's the media's fault. Then you get in your airplane and shoot them from the window - for sport.

Banned · Post by **Banned** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 3:58 pm

Obamaism--You have 2 cows. The government takes them. But you still have hope and change.

f.sciarrillo · Post by **f.sciarrillo** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 5:23 pm

You guys are coming up with some good ones ...

songsmith · Post by **songsmith** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 6:11 pm

Conservatism: You have 2 cows. As the owner/operator of the cows, it is your right to mistreat them, as they are YOURS, sent by God Himself. You may charge $9.00 a gallon for the milk, once people get hungry enough to pay that much. You also tell the cows what they are allowed to say, eat, do, be, and think.

Neoconservatism: You have two cows. You have a right to graze them in your neighbor's fields, because you are you, and he is only him. You can claim Eminent Domain, Manifest Destiny, or whatever idea gets you what you want. You send your farmhands to the wrong field, because the other neighbor has more cows. In the end, you sell all the cows to rich people for next to nothing, and you all live off the profits, while the little people do the work. You form a shell company and send the profits to the Caymans, because you're too patriotic to pay taxes. You then complain that you can't understand why people wouldn't want to do everything your way. It must be the liberal hippy baby-killers.

Evangelical Christianity: Jesus loves your two cows more than anyone else's, because you are closer to Him. You are the self-appointed farm expert... sure, you only have two cows, but your cows have the benefit of being owned by you, and that makes them the best. There are thousands of different cows, but yours are the only ones who could stand up to the judgement of God, your cows are just plain best, and all other cows must be destroyed as it is written somewhere in the Bible, probably.

Sean Hannity: You have two cows. Bill Ayers, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Jeremiah Wright, Bill Clinton, George Soros, Chris Dodd, stop Obama. None of those names have anything to do with this, but you are contractually bound to say them in a disgusted tone every 30 seconds.

Bill O'Reilly: You have two cows. One of them won't have phone-sex with you, so you fire it.

Rush Limbaugh: You have two cows, 37 doctors, a private jet that whisks you away to Santo Domingo for cheap Viagra, hot and cold running OxyContin, a castle in a gated community in West Palm Beach, and you make 100 times more than the President doing... nothing. You are the American Everyman.

George Bush: You have two cows. Crayons taste like purple.

Dick Cheney: You have two cows. You shoot them in the face and control the free world.

Ann Coulter: You have two cows. You eat one of them, then sneak off to the ladies room to purge it. You write books and talk nasty, and even the Pope thinks you're a C-word.

Glen Beck: You have two cows, neither of which is even remotely funny, or relevant.

Osama bin Laden: You killed 3000 cows, but nobody cares anymore, so you'll get away with it.

Ted Haggard: You have two cows. Cows are bad, mmkay. You shouldn't hang out with cows, mmkay. Cows are the reason the world is in such a state, mmkay. Mmmmm, you'd like to snort some crystal meth and bugger that cow right there. Yeah, baby that's the ticket.

--->JMS

Hawk · Post by **Hawk** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 6:58 pm

undercoverjoe wrote:Obamaism--You have 2 cows. The government takes them. But you still have hope and change.

Hey Joe, I think I got your cows.

Not only that, they have their own health insurance policy paid for by the Feds.

Banned · Post by **Banned** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:14 pm

Hawk wrote:
undercoverjoe wrote:Obamaism--You have 2 cows. The government takes them. But you still have hope and change.
Hey Joe, I think I got your cows. Not only that, they have their own health insurance policy paid for by the Feds.

I worked hard for whatever cows I have. Whatever insurance I have is paid for by my efforts. Nothing I have is paid for by any Feds. As a matter of fact, whenever the "Feds" pay for something, it is with part of my money. I want socialists like the Obamination to keep his hands off my money.

whitedevilone · Post by **whitedevilone** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:43 pm

Whining bitter little bitches full of self importance:Those who have everything,more than most of the world.Yet still somehow find things to cry about.Noted by their bloated self imposed rambling paragraph after paragraph as if anybody gives a fuck on and on never satisfied even when given the keys and all the wishes.Never happy ,always taking shot at those who feel differertly,as if the little fella is the only one that matters.His way or the highway.A proponent of the destruction of free speach.A supporter of large Fedzilla to keep the playing field even.This tidbit of laughability figures if he's not talented enough finish first then nobody should.Regurgitater of soapbox propaganda,beheader of the constitutation,stone thrower in a plastic house.He's Stewart Smally and doggone it,he's good enough.

songsmith · Post by **songsmith** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 10:03 pm

whitedevilone wrote: as if the little fella is the only one that matters.

Easy there little fella.

--->JMS

lonewolf · Post by **lonewolf** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 10:24 pm

Radical Dudes are people who believe that people shouldn't have cows.

f.sciarrillo · Post by **f.sciarrillo** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 10:29 pm

Yeah, well, cows are one of the biggest reasons for the depletion of the ozone layer.

MeYatch · Post by **MeYatch** » Sat Jan 10, 2009 11:48 pm

rockpage:
you have two cows in the middle of a vegan convention. Nobody will stop talking about them

RobTheDrummer · Post by **RobTheDrummer** » Sun Jan 11, 2009 5:48 am

Well put White Devil.

songsmith · Post by **songsmith** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 2:40 am

I'm glad you understood what he was saying, RTD. I know it was aimed at me, based on the "bloated self imposed rambling paragraphs, " but the rest of it escapes me. I'm not sure how I'm a proponent of "the destruction of free speach," whether it's because I can string several sentences in a row, or because I write things he doesn't like. I assume free speech is for all viewpoints, not just conservative ones, he seemed okay when the jokes were against the libs. I don't know anything about a "Fedzilla," either... I'm trying to remember ever promoting gov't spending on here, or ever saying much good about Obama... I just chimed in on a joke. If I stepped on the toes of a few Bush apologists, well that's just too fucking bad. If you voted for him, it's your fault, I was at least smart enough not to. Twice.
I don't feel the need to apologize for my views, I think we all share that. It seems like everytime someone wants to really confront me on my views, the best they can do is point out that my posts are long. Again... too fucking bad. I read everybody's, all the way through. If you don't want to read what I write, hmmm, what can you do.... yeah, don't read it. If you read something political, and have a poiltical view that differs, say it. If you know you're right, prove it. If I think you're wrong, I'll say. That's a discussion. If I'm getting my point across, and someone feels like they're not, that's their problem, because I won't ever dumb it down.
----------------->JMS

whitedevilone · Post by **whitedevilone** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 3:41 am

John ,ofcourse you thought it was about you.It's really about Al Franken.No shit.Do you read the papers?Watch the news?Ever listen to his radio show?Keep up.I've never asked you or anybody to apologize for anything.Yes i think you're wrong on certain issues but WTF don't be such a fricken baby.Do you really think i EVER sit around wondering what the fuck you think or feel?I couldn't care less .It's funny you found the similarities though.

Hawk · Post by **Hawk** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 4:17 am

You guy are getting off topic - COWS...it's about the COWS.

Really

songsmith · Post by **songsmith** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 4:29 am

Oh come on! You're criticizing Al Franken based on his long rambling paragraphs? Does he write that way? Do you read his books? I think not. If you were referring to him, first, it would have started "Al Franken:" and then you'd have a reference to the original cow joke. I got the last part, too.
For the record, my interest in Al Franken is limited to Saturday Night Live, and that movie he did. I never read any of his books, he's too lefty for even me to take very seriously, though I see the irony in his being the guy that gave the Dems a fillibuster-proof majority. Could it be that's why you're upset about whining bitter little bitches?

Also for the record, it's always about me.

slackin@dabass · Post by **slackin@dabass** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 8:21 am

Hawk wrote:You guy are getting off topic - COWS...it's about the COWS.

Really

sorry, but i must point out that it is politically incorrect to call them cows anymore. the preferred phrase is "beast of bovine origin"

also...

Mexican: you have two cows. you give one a dirty sanchez and turn the other into tacos.

(the above statement is not meant to offend people of Spanish or Latin-American descent)

witchhunt · Post by **witchhunt** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 12:14 pm

songsmith wrote:Ann Coulter: You have two cows. You eat one of them, then sneak off to the ladies room to purge it. You write books and talk nasty, and even the Pope thinks you're a C-word.

Glen Beck: You have two cows, neither of which is even remotely funny, or relevant.

songsmith · Post by **songsmith** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 4:29 pm

Hawk wrote:You guy are getting off topic - COWS...it's about the COWS.

Really

True.
Okay here's another:

Songsmith: I actually had two cows. Wanna hear a story about it? I'll tell you anyway.... blahblahblahblahblahblah,etc.

---->JMS

BDR · Post by **BDR** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 5:08 pm

This whole exchange would be a lot more entertaining if one of you would just say, "Your mom."

r:>)

bassist_25 · Post by **bassist_25** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 5:22 pm

slackin@dabass wrote:
sorry, but i must point out that it is politically incorrect to call them cows anymore. the preferred phrase is "beast of bovine origin"

Now that's some funny shizzle right there.

MOONDOGGY · Post by **MOONDOGGY** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 5:44 pm

Trendy Eco-friendly Green-freak government: You have 2 cows. You must organically raise more cows and harvest their high-methane concentrate flatulence. Use this organic methane gas to heat and power the farms. Use the cow's organic urine to make organic fuel to power the organic tractors. Use the cow's fur to insulate the barns. Save the planet. It can't fend for itself.

rockpage.net

Politics explained for dumb people ....

Politics explained for dumb people ....

Re: Politics explained for dumb people ....

Re: Politics explained for dumb people ....